Southern Gentleman

So despite it being Father' day today, i woke up this morning with a heavy heart so to speak so ill just jump right into it.

Seems like a girl i been talking to since like Jan. that i thought i was on the same page with.....left me in the dark and now all of a sudden has a boyfriend, ion really wanna go into too much detail but not much really gets to me, but the one thing that will get under my skin is leading me on/leaving me in the dark. its getting kinda redundant for me to be putting it all on the line and getting shit in return but "i ain't mean for it to happen like this". so maybe the nice guy role Ive been playing for the past 23 years of my life has played itself out. maybe the "asshole" role might be a better fit.....

And since today is father's day i was in church with my mama and the whole service was moving, and for the first time since i can recall i been in church it actually got to me, and when i say it got to me...is i actually shed a few tears. only reason it got to me is b/c i had so many thoughts running thru my mind. i don't know my dad, last time i spoke to him was before i graduated high school. didn't have much male influence in my life growing up besides my grandpa but he passed when i was 6 or 7, so i basically been raised by the women in my family. ain't nothing wrong with that but the cliche of it all is "certain things only a man can teach a boy"....well, i ain't have that.

So i started thinking to myself, what if I'm a reflection of my father? if he couldn't even take the time out to reach out to me every once in a while just to see how I'm doing, what makes me think i wouldn't do the same when I'm a father one day? I just feel like i got so much built up pain, sorrow, anguish, even resentment. even right now as I'm typing this I'm fighting to hold back the tears.

Its been a while since I've felt like this but i guess its better to let it out than hold it in as they say. i guess sometimes i just wish i had the chance to spend a lil bit more time with him. no bday cards let alone phone calls.....nothing....i wonder if he even knows I'm still around.

I'm the type to hardly ever show any emotion....but during the song "you are the wind beneath my wings" this morning i guess it just all came up.....

but in the end....all of this has made me the man i am today which is a plus. so i cant be too mad or upset....i just wish....i had that bond with him.....

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Another pic drop off. just some shit i took over the pass couple of weeks, nothing special really but enjoy i guess

don't mind the music either, as many of you know I'm somewhat of an old head and this song just puts me in the mind of Georgia for some reason.....might as well start getting ready for the trip early.....2 more weeks....2 more weeks....

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A year ago today i officially signed my hire papers with UPS, and a year later on this day im still holding in there strong, and as you can tell from these shoes that brought me this far....it wasnt an easy journey.....but as I've heard....its all downhill from here on out and i hope that's true.

And with this moment at least for me means i can also put in my vacation time which I'll do tomorrow so with that the countdown to Georgia has begun........20 more days....yessuh.

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Done in a good minute....a ventage entry.

But before i start this off this is in no way a "pew pew pew" for a lack of term, just an observation.
and that observation being, that some folks really need to learn to B.A.F.K (back away from the keyboard). i know we live in a technology driven era but some just done got too entangled in it. too many "outlets" to become someone "else". i like to call it "wireless schizophrenia".

Some folks just seem to turn into a different person when they're online. act up, show out, clown, etc etc. shit is just funny yet mindboggling to me all at the same time. you may claim you're this and that online but offline you're probably more mute than a deaf person.

Then......when they're card is pulled from the deck they either 1. do a disappearing act or 2. defend it to the death. either way the truth always comes out in the end. but after being on this shit for the better part of my childhood, i can say nothing really amazes me anymore.

I can say ive seen it all and probabaly done most of it, aint ashamed of it but its kinda like coming to the end of its rope. just seems like one big ass cycle with the same redudant trends, topics, sayings, etc etc.
same shit new toilet. ionno when it'll stop...doubt if it ever will but its just becoming less and less
interesting to me everyday.

Ill never say ill STOP using the internet but i definitely dont see myself on these "community" websites too much longer.....

Just an observation....

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So ill just set the scenario....Tuesday night/Wednesday morning last week, a house behind my cousins house also known as a dope hole is invaded. two guys come up....go inside, do whatever...come out and leave.....no more than 15 minutes later....someone(s) come back....knock on the door....soon as its opened "BOOM" first person is shot in the head and killed....they run in....kill a 23 year old pregnant girl and shoot 2 other people who survived.

My whole point is...just when i was starting to think this area ain't so bad as it seems to be this comes along...ain't no use in going on with the cliche "this gotta stop and yada yada yada" cuz every area has the same problems weather they're known or not. shit just hits close to home b/c alotta my people knew em and it could have easily been somebody i knew over there that night caught in the line of fire.

Shit is just sickening to me sometimes i swear.....but what can you do.....like one small flame of light working against a sea of water....

But on a lighter note, yesterday was pretty nice, ended up at the park with my cousins and some folks from church, should have took my camera and took a few pics since it was hella nice out there but its always next time i guess.

I told myself when i woke up i wasn't really feeling like myself and so far its kinda holding up to that but i ain't gonna let it stop anything, still alive, still kickin', still breathin', still here.....cant complain. I'm content with errything right now so its all good.

Ill just leave this on a good note with something i like to call my anti-drug which you should already know what that is.....

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What can i say? 22, negro, FL bored and raised, part time photographer, part time graphic designer....well used to be, part time drunk, full time UPS clerk, and a whole bunch of other boring stuff you probably don't wanna read, or might already know

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